The definition of success

"Success", like so many other concepts in our culture, is a very difficult concept to grasp mainly because it doesn't mean what it actually means when it's used in a sentence most of the time.

"It doesn't mean what it actually means?!?"?  Have you had your coffee yet this morning?  You might ask yourself that, and I understand (and, yes, I'm on my third cup right now so try to keep up).

Often times we use "success" in ways that it doesn't actually mean, just like we use it's antithesis, "failure".  We say "Oh, Jimbo is such a success", or "Billy never can get a break, he's such a failure."  The fact is it is not possible to "be a failure".    Failure is simply the outcome of an event when contrasted to the preferred outcome of that particular event.  It is not a person.  In fact, all of us are produced by an exceptionally successful swimming endeavor ;-)

So, if failure is just an outcome to an event, then the opposite, success, must also just be an outcome to an event. "Jimbo" isn't "a success" because he has a nice house.  He also isn't "a success" because he has a nice car, or nice clothes.  These "trappings of success" show that Jimbo is quite successful at making money (or, at least, he's good at spending it).  And, most likely, Jimbo is good at making money in one particular way.  If Jimbo is a brain surgeon, he could possibly be a dismal failure as a musician, or a fireman, or an architect.

In fact, since we all get one go around on this place called Earth, and we all only have so many minutes in the day, the fact is that Jimbo actually is "a failure" at all of these other paths.  Imagine that!  I mean, we're talking about Jimbo friggin' McAwesome here!  The guy's a LEGEND.  And I'm sure he is, but he's also "a failure" at many more things than he's successful at.  And you can tell him I said that the next time you see him too ;-)

So, here's the question.  What does "success" look like for you?  Maybe you're not making a million dollars a year, but you'd rather spend your time with your family than "burning the midnight oil" at the office all the time.  Or, perhaps you are particularly good with money and you chose to use that talent for charity work rather than becoming a banker.  You see, "success" is just hitting a goal, and failure is missing the same goal. 

Perhaps your goal is to attend every single one of your children's sporting events.  Succeeding at that goal means you don't work late sometimes and you might miss a goal there.  Perhaps your goal is to invent something great that changes the world for the better, well, you might have to make some sacrifices along the way.

If "success" is just hitting a goal, and "failure" is missing the same goal, then it's simple.  Let's just redefine he status quo and call that "success".  Everybody wants to be "a success" right?  Here, just hit any one of these goals today:

1. open your eyes
2. take at least three breaths before noon (yes, you can be asleep for this)
3. at some point, within earshot of a human being (including yourself), make a noise.

YAY!  Everybody's a success! ...Or, they're dead.

So, you're laughing right now (I hope).  Here's one rule to keep this club of "successful" people somewhat exclusive.  The goal has to be meaningful. 

Perhaps the goal is to make money like Jimbo McAwesome because you've got bills to pay. Go make more money.  Perhaps the goal is to bring beauty to the world through a work of art, a song, or an invention.  Go make something beautiful.  Perhaps the goal is to leave your mark on the world through raising good children, giving to the community, or by standing up for something you believe in.   Go make a bigger impact than you did yesterday.

Your goals are up to you, so "success" is up to you.  Not your friends, not your boss, not your judgmental Aunt Sally that you hide from at every family reunion.  You.  You are in control of your success.

Perhaps you've struggled over the years, and you've tried to hit your goals, but you never seem to hit them.   Try setting smaller goals that lead you in the direction you want to head.  Think of the smallest goal you can that leads you toward your end result, then get to work on that.  The Super Bowl winning team didn't just win the Super Bowl.  They succeeded at winning the playoffs, they succeeded at winning single games, and during each of those games they succeeded at single plays.  They also succeeded at practicing and planning off the field, but that's a whole other post ;-)

One final thought on setting goals.  They should never be a comparison.  You'll never "build the next Facebook" or "be like Jimbo".  There already is a Facebook.  There already is a Jimbo.  There is nothing like what you're about to do - yet.  You could "build an app that becomes a multi-billion dollar company" (and when you do remember me, ok?) or "cut up people's brain better" (or whatever it is that Jimbo does), but your goal is to improve or create something yourself, not to compare against someone else or their accomplishments. 

Competition is good for some things, but not for goals.  Comparative goals only breed resentment, jealousy, and judgment, either for the other person or for yourself.  Also, the fact of the matter is that "the grass is always greener on the other side", and even if you hit your goal and beat the other person, you still won't be happy since they have something else that you want, or someone else has something that you want now.  Goals should always be uniquely self-focused.

So, I've succeeded at posting another post to my blog.  Yay!  Thank you for succeeding at reading it :-)

What's in your blank?

I heard this phrase yesterday, and was inspired by its truth and applicability to many circumstances.  I thought about blogging about it, but like so many ideas it passed through my head and left to be replaced by something more pressing.

Then when I saw the picture today I realized I needed to blog about it :-)

This isn't intended to extoll the virtues of excess drinking and debauchery (although that could be a fun topic too I suppose),  so much as to make you think.  What else can't you "do all day unless you start in the morning"?

Using our powers of abstraction (another blog I've intended to write for a long time, but in the meantime you can simply google it), we can create a sort of "mad lib" from this saying.

"You can't ______ all day... If you don't start in the morning"

What is in your blank?

To play devil's advocate for a moment, perhaps it's quitting drinking, or another vice.  Perhaps it's starting a new habit, changing old ones, getting in shape, eating better, or, maybe, sharing your inane thoughts with the world.

Whatever it is you're trying to do, if it's a life altering change, it has to alter your life.  We can't do the hokey pokey and put one foot in and keep one foot out.  It can't be a choice that we make to change in one area when it benefits us, and not change in others when it doesn't.  It begins in the morning, ends in the evening, and permeates every waking moment in between.  

Do you want to lose weight?  Don't chow down on a dozen doughnuts in the morning and then starve yourself at lunch and dinner to "make up".  Start in the morning.

Do you want to be more productive at work?  Get a cup or two of coffee in, and then start in the morning.

Do you want to break bad habits, start new ones, or change your life in any way?  Find out what actions you take that lead to the desired result, and then start in the morning.  Every morning.  Without fail.

Now, some readers (all two of you!) might say "wow, that's pretty harsh.  Who the hell do you think you are Jerky?  You're not Mr. Friggin' Perfect!", and you'd be right.   Failure is an unfortunate reality that every single one of us will deal with many more times than we care to think about.  The point is to strive.  To work hard.  To give it your everything even, and especially, in the face of knowing that you will fail.  Then when you do, figure out why and how you failed, try hard not to do it again, and move on.  Here's a dirty little secret, life already did move on.  Keep up already! :-)

That being said, another unfortunate reality that we all must deal with is reality.  We are who we are.  We do what we do.  We don't do what we do not do.  If this is to change (preferably for the better), then by necessity we must face the things that scare us, challenge us, embarrass us, and yes, even cause us pain to even think about.  The reality is that our choices have gotten us where we are, good ones and bad ones, and at some point we need to stop taking our own advise if we want things to change.

And, for those of us who are not morning people, "morning" can be whenever you open your eyes, even if it's technically "afternoon" ;-)